I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why I’ve been feeling down lately. More importantly I don’t know how to change this. It seems like the things I’ve always wanted have become irrelevant and obsolete. But what I do know is what I don’t want and I think that ridding my life of those things and people could be a good start to figuring this out.
Maybe I’m just overanalyzing everything. After all, thinking too much keeps us hostage in our own bodies.
I should be doing something productive with my time right now, like writing my paper or studying for my 4 exams this coming week or grading (over 150) student assignments, but instead I’ve found yet another way to distract myself. Speaking of this week, it is the last week of classes ever. And by “ever,” I mean until grad school. But either way, it is the last week of college.
I still don’t know how I feel about that. In less than 3 weeks I will be a college graduate. Up until now, my entire life has been predetermined and for the first time ever, I don’t know what’s next. All of this uncertainly is causing a lot of stress. If you know me at all, you probably know that I’m extremely organized and like to have everything planned out, so this is particularity tough for me. But some things you just can’t plan for, and as cliché as this sounds, I’ve decided that I’m ready to start the next chapter in my life (whatever it entails). If there was a word for being in complete panic and at the same time extremely excited, it would perfectly describe how I feel. The next best word to describe my current outlook is hopeful. There’s always hope.
“What are you doing after graduation?” If one more person asks me this, I might lose it. Seriously, I cannot count the number of times I have been asked this question recently. Granted, it is a great question. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to be successful. Success and happiness, I think that’s all anyone wants out of life.